


in love and war (not all is fair)

by huff_le_puff



Series: No Second Chances Allowed [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29123694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huff_le_puff/pseuds/huff_le_puff
Summary: Lydia is tired. She's seventeen, taking care of her six year old brother on her own, has a job, and there's a war against her blood going on. It's sensible that she's tired. More than anything, Lydia just wants to feel the same spark of life she knows she once did. She wants the coming year to be full of that spark.She knows war isn't fair, but she wants it to be with all her life. Isn't that enough? Aren't wishes a magic of their own?----------installment six of the nsca 'verse
Series: No Second Chances Allowed [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659640
Kudos: 1





	1. inside my mind

Lydia’s summer is going swimmingly. If not for the constant looming fear every time she steps into the magical public, she might have even equated the experience to a cliche coming of age movie.

She’s been keeping herself busy, which helps, she supposes. Between taking care of Nicky (six year olds were insanely energetic), doing her summer coursework, and her new job at Florean Fortescue’s ice cream shop, Lydia barely has time to do more than make a quick meal and flop into bed at night. This is good, because it means she’s too tired to dream or think too much. 

Luckily, Florean is a nice boss and gave her the weekends off, so she’s getting the opportunity to have a sleepover with all her friends. 

As she tidies up the flat, bringing out all her pillows and blankets into the living room, Lydia has to wonder how exactly she’s managing everything. She’s only seventeen, after all, and yet she’s taken on so much. She’s practically been raising her brother since she was fifteen, she studies two very different school curriculums simultaneously, she provides money for her family, and she keeps the house running for said family. She knows it’s not a normal teenage experience, sometimes hates that it’s hers, and yet…

She looks where Nicky’s attempting to balance as he walks across the top of the sofa.

Lydia can’t bring herself to wish her life were different.

“Nicky!” Lydia yelled, as he went to jump off the couch. “Don’t be stupid, Nick! You’re barely three foot, you’ll hurt yourself.”

He held out his arms and made a grabby motion for her.

With a roll of her eyes, she picked him up and placed him on her hip. Cuddly as always, he wrapped himself around her like a koala. His legs were getting long enough that he had to wrap them around her waist so they didn’t skim the floor, but he didn’t mind.

He’s still cuddled up to her half an hour later when there’s a knock on her door, and she quickly puts the glass of juice she had been filling for him on the counter.

When she unlocks and opens the door, Mr. Weasley, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Colin are standing there.

“Hey, how y’all doing?” she grins, giving Mr. Weasley a quick side hug, waving goodbye, letting the rest inside, and locking the door again.

They each call back their own greetings as they make their way to the sofa. Ginny and Luna share her grandfather’s favorite chair, limbs squished together. Neither seem to mind. Once Colin and Neville have sat, leaving a space on the sofa between them for her, Lydia sits down, arranging Nicky to sit on her lap. He’s starting to nod off, and takes advantage of it by suggesting, “Hey, let’s watch a movie. We can make cookies later. Col, why don’t you make some popcorn? there’s packets on the counter.”

He saluted her with a grin, and got up to make it. A moment later, they could hear the microwave’s whir and the popping.

“Lydia, where’s your grandfather? I thought he was usually here.” Ginny asked, propping her face on the chair’s arm.

“Work conference, in London. He has them every year in July or August for a week straight, and the hotel is paid for by his company, so he doesn’t bother to make the trip back each night that week.”

Ginny hummed.

Colin, reentering with two bowls of popcorn, asked, “What about your mum? Is she with him?”

Lydia shrugged, holding out a handful of popcorn for Nicky to snack on.

“I don’t ever really know where she is, actually. I don’t think she left with Grandfather, though. She’s probably picked up some extra shifts.”

Ginny was frowning.

“You don’t know?”

“Nah, she doesn’t tell me where she’s going, and I don’t tell her. Grandfather cares though, so I always leave a note if I leave unexpectedly.”

“Dad always tries to work less over the holidays so he can spend time with us. Wouldn’t she want to do that?”

Lydia shook her head.

“No, she doesn’t spend a lot of time at home. Always working.” Shrugging it off, Lydia asked, “How does _Space Truckers_ sound? It’s a sci-fi.”

Luna nodded in excitement.

“Ooh, space! I’ve always wanted to go, it would be nice to hug a star.”

Nicky’s asleep by the time the one and a half hour film has finished playing, so Lydia stands and puts him to bed. She leaves a small sticky note stuck to his face reminding him she’s in the living room for when he wakes up, and then rejoins her friends. They’re in the kitchen, arguing over what to eat.

Seeing Ginny inching a hand towards the wand she can’t legally use, Lydia quickly steps in.

“Okay! We’re making pizza.”

Colin fist pumps the air, hurriedly jumping off the counter when Ginny reaches for him. It’s a smart move; Ginny’s got on the glare she normally reserves for her brothers.

It’s more difficult than it should be, making pizza. Only she and Colin actually know what pizza even is, sadly, so they have to teach the other three how to make it.

Luna ends up drawing a smiley face on her pizza crust in sauce and refusing to cover it with anything so she has cheese and vegetables everywhere but on top of the sauce. 

Neville was unsure how much to put of anything, so his crust has a lump in the bottom because of the amount of sauce weighing it down.

Ginny piled her cheese high enough that it was the size of her head. She ate more of the pepperoni than she actually put on. Her hair has sauce in it. She’s a disaster.

Colin glanced at her with a befuddled smile, then quickly dragged Luna and Ginny to the loo to get cleaned up.

Neville stayed, helping her wipe down the counters and wash up the dishes that had been dirtied.

She can feel his eyes on her the entire time, so halfway through the cleaning, she says, “I have the feeling you want to talk to me, Neville.” 

His hands briefly paused in their scrubbing of a spoon. Then, he nodded and turned to face her.

“Yeah, I do. Do you know what Bellatrix did, why she’s in Azkaban?”

Lydia tilted her head.

“She was a Death Eater. But it’s more personal, isn’t it?”

He nodded.

“I live with my gran, you know that.”

“Yeah, ‘course.” She set the towel she had been drying dishes with down and hopped up to sit on the counter. Taking his hands in hers, she asked, “Nev, what are you trying to say?”

“Bellatrix was imprisoned because she tortured my parents. They’ve been in St. Mungo’s my entire life, because they’re...insane. She made them-”

“Oh,” she whispered, pulling him close so she could hug him. “I’m so sorry, Neville. I wish you’d been able to know them.”

He nodded against her shoulder.

“Me too. But I-” he pulled away just enough to look at her. “I know it’s not the same, and Madam Pomfrey would have known if something bad happened, but are you okay? I mean, the - _that_ \- curse, twice, it’s dangerous for a reason. I don’t want you to be like them, I don’t want to lose you too.”

She nodded.

“I’ll get checked out, okay? Actually, Simon might know someone. He’s got ins with some people.”

“Simon?” he asked, as she jumped off the counter and began searching for pen and paper. 

“Yeah, Harry’s new guardian. We’ve written occasionally.”

He gave a snort. “You mean you’ve threatened him?”

“Duh,” she said, then let out a happy noise when she found what she was looking for. “Come here, Neville, you can help me.”

_Simon,_

_Neville brought up a concern I’m surprised no one else has about my “adventure” with Umbridge this past school year. Have you heard the case of the Longbottoms? Look into it. Anyway, he’s concerned the curse may have affected my brain function, specifically memory. Any thoughts? I’ll ask Mam too, but if you have any contacts who may be able to evaluate any damage, let me know._

_-L. McBrien_

"There," she said, watching the wax on the stamp start to cool and harden on her letter. "I'll let you know what happens when I send it off. I should be able to when I go into Flor's on Monday."

"good,, thank you. Um, how is work? I'm surprised you work there, with so many-"

"Drooling kids? me too. But I've gotta tell you what happened the other day!"

So, they went to join their friends, telling stories of the children she'd been meeting and laughing like the teenagers they were.

Lydia felt that little spark he so wished for.

* * *

_Ms. Andromeda Tonks,_

_We've not been acquainted yet, but you may have heard my name in the papers recently. My name is Lord Simon Potter-Zimmer. I recently took custody of Heir Harry Potter, if you've heard. If you've not been paying attention to the post, I am James Potter's cousin. When we were young, before the war stopped visits to my family here in Britain, James and I were fairly close. He would tell me many stories about his friends, including your late cousin, Sirius. I even met Sirius a fair few times. One of those times, he spoke rather highly of you and your talents with mind healing._

_I hope it's not too forward, but I'd like your advice and possibly access to your talents as well in that area. A friend of Harry's was unfortunately cursed with the Cruciatus Curse this past June, and we're very worried it might have done something to her mind. Are you familiar with the case of the Longbottoms? If so, we worry she might have milder effects of that sort. She would be willing to speak with you and receive your expertise if you are also willing. Though, I'll warn you she's very interested in the healing arts, so she may ask questions._

_Please reply soon, we'd like to meet before she returns to school._

_Best Regards,_

_Lord Simon Potter-Zimmer_

* * *

_Lord Potter-Zimmer,_

_It's hard not to know who you are, though I assume you know that already. You're the most popular thing printed recently, besides the "mysterious" attacks. I can't say Sirius ever mentioned your name, but then again, we didn't talk much after I left home and he became busy with the war. I look forward to meeting you in person, if Sirius like you then you must be up to snuff._

_I would be delighted to help young Harry Potter's friend. Could you give me her contact information so we may set up a time and date? I suggest we meet at my home, it is as safe as can be, and if she truly has brain damage then St. Mungo's wouldn't be best for her. The older Healers have a habit of simply giving up on cases like the Longbottoms'. After meeting her, I'll know whether there's possibility to heal and protect her mind from such event happening again, or not. Don't worry, I'm sure there would be signs if something was truly wrong with her, you'd have caught it by now._

_I am available at these dates of this month:_

_Mon. 8th: 10-11am_

_Mon. 15th: 3-6pm_

_Turs. 17th: 9-3pm_

_Contact me soon, Lord Potter-Zimmer_

_Healer Andomeda Tonks_

* * *

"Alright, that's you done for the day, dear."

Lydia rubbed at her aching eyes as she tried to stand from where she sat in a chair.

Ms. Tonks pushed her back down.

"No, don't stand yet! Have you not learned from your last try when you fainted?"

Lydia groaned.

"Sorry, Ms. Tonks. I forgot."

Ms. Tonks huffed, and handed her a banana.

"Eat, the potassium will help. Tell me what you're thinking."

Lydia snorted as she opened the peel with shaky hands.

"Don't you know? You were just in my head."

Ms. Tonks shook her head in exasperation.

"You know what I mean, child. Now, how does your mindscape feel? I noticed you've built it up more than last week."

"Yeah, I've been trying the meditation stuff you told me. Kinda hard when I always fall asleep, but I'm getting there."

Ms. Tonks hummed.

"It's difficult at first. Do you feel stronger?"

"Yeah, a bit, I think?" Lydia admitted, then asked, "So am I - er, am I really protected?"

"Well," Ms. Tonks sighed, sitting in her own chair, "I recon if you got cursed again it would still hurt like being electrocuted,"

Lydia snorted.

"But," Ms. Tonks continued, "I think your mind will be safe. There's still healing to do, however, so-"

"Next Monday at four?"

"Yes, yes. That will work. Are you feeling steady?"

"As steady as I ever feel. I've gotta get going now."

Lydia stood, tossed the banana peel in the waste bin, and slung her bag over a shoulder.

As she walked tot he Tonks' front door, she waved at Ted, who was watching football on the Tv.

"Thanks, Ms. Tonks! Seeya, Ted."

"Bye, Lydia! Stay safe!"

She put two fingers to her eyebrow and saluted him, apparating to Diagon Alley as soon as she'd passed the wards.

Working at Fortescue's ice cream shop honestly isn't bad. It's better than the ice cream place she'd worked at for one summer in the States, and _definitely_ better than the work she'd done for the Company. Sure, there were a lot of screaming kids and drool (from said children) on the floor she had to keep wiping up, but it was a nice job. Florean, or Flor as she called him, paid her nicely, he let Nicky sit in the back while she worked, and he gave her each weekend off. He was the perfect boss.

"Lydia," Flor called, walking up and leaning on the counter where she was dishing out a bowl of Jelly Beet Cherry with pecans for someone looking in the middle of a mid-life crisis. 

"Here you go, Ma'am. I hope your day gets better!"

The woman, whose wife and cat had apparently ran away on the same day, nodded and left.

"What's up, Flor?" Lydia asked, swiveling on her heels to face him.

He jerked his head towards one of the tables.

"A couple people to see you. Meet with them outside, I don't want a dog in my store."

Lydia frowned and directed her gaze to where he had motioned.

"Oh for - I'm going on break, Flor. Sorry you dealt with those jokes."

He laughed.

"Leave your brother as a show of good faith, yeah? I need my favorite employee not to ditch today. It's busy!"

She laughed, but nodded in agreement nonetheless.

Shucking her hat and tossing it on a bench in the office, she leaned her head in the room Nicky was playing with some blocks in.

"Hey, Nicky, I'll be back soon, okay? I'm running an errand and you're staying with Flor."

"Mhm," he mumbled, focusing on his game. Then, he asked, "I get ice cream?"

"Tell Flor to take it from my check, and yes!"

She went back to the main dining area and found the table Harry, Remus, and Simon as Padfoot were.

She didn't say anything, just grabbed Harry by the sleeve and began dragging them out of the shop.

When they'd made it outside, Harry recovered from his shock and said, "Lyd-"

"Zip it, and follow me."

She brought them on a winding path until they were behind what had been Ollivander's wand shop. Now, it was boarded up.

Kicking into one of the boards, she walked into the back room of his store.

Untying the jacket from her waist and setting it on the ground, she sat.

Remus, Harry, and Padfoot followed.

"Why on earth would you come as Padfoot, you dimwit?! If anyone connects you as Padfoot to Simon-"

Simon turned back into himself and raised placating hands.

"Ah, come on, little bird! You can't expect me to retire him!"

"He is a part of Sir - Simon, Lydia," Remus said, ""He cannot just stop, you know that."

"I'm not saying for him ot do that!" Lydia exclaimed. "I'm just asking why he did it in public, at a restaurant of all places. It's crowded there, if he accidentally turned backt o himslef-"

"No one important even knows I'm PAdfoot."

"Pettigrew."

"Wormtail."

"Wormtail."

Simon frowned at them all.

"C'mon, Remus, Harry? Both of you agree with her? Besides, I said someone _important_."

Lydia screwed up her face in frustration.

"He might be unimportant on his own, but you're forgetting he's still capable of things, Simon! He likely told Voldecunt, and his followers. And they have eyes everywhere. Anyone connects you, and this was all for nothing!"

Harry rested a hand on her arm, and she leaned against him in comfort.

"I'm sorry, little bird. I didn't think it would upset you so badly."

"I didn't enjoy faking your death, Simon," she whispered, "I hated it. It's something my - _they_ \- would have done."

Harry grimaced in sympathy and nodded.

"You're not like them, Lydia. You did it for a good reason."

Lydia shrugged.

Changing the subject away from her feelings, Lydia asked, "How's the new guardian, Lightning?"

Harry turned to face her fully, and began excitedly ranting about his room.

"It's so nice to have a room of my own, Lydia! And it's huge! As big as the dorm!"

"Well, I wouldn't-"

"It's as big as the dorms, Pads, and you know it."

Lydia laughed.

"What brings y'all to Diagon Alley, anyway? Letters haven't come in yet."

"Simon missed walks," Remus said, holding up a lead that had been previously attached to Padfoot. "Harry's been missing you as well, so we thought we'd stop in."

She grinned at Harry.

"Aw, my baby brother's missed me, has he? Just been pining away at his window sill? Asking the stars to see me in his nasty dreams?"

Harry shoved her off of him.

"Oh shut up!"

She laughed uproariously, delving into a series of coughs that stabbed at her ribs.

Harry didn't hit her back, but he did squeeze her hand worriedly.

"Don't look so worried, Lightning. I'm alright."

She coughed a few more times.

Simon watched her carefully.

"What's that about?"

"Jut after effects of a potion I've got to take. It makes me cough easier, all the blood I coughed up left my lungs a little weak."

Simon clenched his jaw at the reminder.

"Pass me that bag, will you? The one under the shelf.

Simon reached his hand over a half broken shelf, where wands used to sit.

For the first time, they seemed to really take in the appearance of what had once been Ollivander's wand shop.

There were snapped wands, shelves broke n and turned over, singed gold all over the ground.

"What _happened?_ " Harry gasped.

Remus got a sad look on his face.

"Ollivander was taken, a week ago."

Lydia nodded.

"One morning I was saying hello to him before work, and then the next morning his windows and doors were broken into. The other shop owners and employees banded together to board everything up so thieves wouldn't get in so easy."

They were solemn for a moment, and Lydia took the chance to rummage in her bag.

"What's that?"

She held up a blue potion in answer to Harry.

"Lung potion. Supposed to take it after my coughing fits."

There was another moment of silence, awkward, and then Remus gestured to her uniform.

"So, you've gotten a job? I can't imagine you'd have much time."

She grinned at him.

"No clue how I do it, Remus, but I do."

"Do you like it?"

Simon groaned something about boring small talk, but Lydia didn't pay attention.

"I like it. I get free ice cream once a day, which is nice. Only trouble is, it makes me nauseous."

"If you avoided everything that made you nauseous," Harry said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "You'd never eat."

She had to admit he was right, so she nodded her head.

Suddenly, her face lit up.

"Oh, I can't believe I forgot, Harry! Stay right here."

Standing, she ran behind a large pile of shelving and appeared a moment later lugging a large chest.

Harry hurried over to help her, and together they brought it back to Simon and Remus.

"What's this, then?" Simon asked, running his fingers against the chest lid.

Lydia sat down again and opened it, the smell of old books came wafting out.

"Okay," Lydia said, lifting out a jean jacket and tossing it at Harry to catch, "I saw this old jacket while at Theodore's Thrift Shop and I had to get it for you. There's a few iron on patches already on that I thought fit you."

Harry looked at the jacket for a moment, then grinned.

"A lion! And does this say 'young, dumb, and full of existential dread'? I love it, Lydia!"

She laughed.

"I knew you would!" Digging deeper, she pulled out a folded up photograph. Before she handed it to him, she explained, "Okay, so you know how I like to research? Well, I was going through old Daily Prophets, and I came across this photo of your grandparents."

Simon took the photo from her and unfolded it.

"This was in the Daily Prophet?"

"Well...not exactly."

Taking it from Simon, Harry sighed, "Whose guts did you threaten to explode?"

"No one's!" There was a moment of unbelieving silence, in which Lydia sighed and amended, "I threatened to rip their spleen out with my bare hands."

Remus made a whimpering sort of sound, but Lydia went on, "Archie Fentre the second. His daughter, Allison, wrote an article about Sirius Black in '93, in which she seemed to really have experience with the Potters and Sirius. But when I looked further, it seemed like their family has been writing for the Prophet since the 1930s. In fact, Archie's first big article was about Euphemia Potter and her difficulty carrying children. Apparently she thought it was the Black family's fault? I don't know. Point is, when Euphemia _did_ have a child -James, that is - Archie wrote an article. And in that article was this photo, of Euphemia and Fleamont - your grandfather, Harry - taking baby James to a Ministry event. Ta-da!"

There was silence for one long moment, then Harry hugged her tight.

"Thank you. I am _so_ glad you're my friend and not my enemy."

Simon nodded sagely.

"You could do a lot of damage."

Remus nodded.

Lydia grinned at Harry.

"Oh, please, Draco Malfoy could never live up to me. He shouldn't even try."

While Harry went to admiring the photo of his grandparents and father, Lydia turned to Remus.

"I've got something for you, too, Remus. I realized that moon-intolerant folks like yourself can't wear silver, so I fitted this gold ring with a few spells and such for safety."

She dug further into the chest ad pulled out a gold ring. There was a clear gem on the top, filled with green liquid.

"See that green liquid? That's actually a purging potion. One of the charms on here will let you know if you've been exposed to something poisonous, whether that's silver or a potion, and all you'll have to do is press down on the clear gem and it'll seep into your skin. It's like a salve, except it'll go deep into your bloodstream. Do it away from public though, because you'll immediately get sick once it's been pressed. It's instantaneous. The other spells are your standard ones: a disillusionment, the one warning you about needing purged, even one that works like a Sneak-o-scope."

Remus took it from her and cautiously put it on. When it didn't instantly hurt, he smiled.

"Thank you, Lydia. I can see you've been putting your legal status to use."

Lydia grinned.

"Sure am! I still do most things the Muggle way, but I enjoy charming stuff."

Finally, she turned to Simon. Digging into the chest one last time, she pulled out a red collar. A dog collar.

"Okay, I swear this isn't a joke."

Simon snorted.

"It's a dog collar, Lydia."

"Yeah, I noticed, dimwit!" Pressing her wand into the collar's dog tags, it turned into a simple choker. "You'll wear it like this in your human form, but it'll transform with you into the dog collar when you change forms. If there's a person not keyed into it within two miles, your animagus form will change to a random dog. Best thing is, it'll always be a different dog."

Remus grinned.

"Like, say, a poodle?"

"Yes!"

Simon groaned.

"I'm not a poodle!"

"Which is the point!" Lydia told him, "No one will know. You could walk by Pettigrew and he'd not even know it was you."

Simon put the choker around his neck, Remus helping him clasp the back.

Her watch began to beep, and she sighed.

"Sorry, my break's over. I've gotta get back. Harry, will you be at the Burrow?" He rolled his eyes.

"When have I missed it? I'm going on the twelfth. What about you? Or are you just staying with the twins?"

She grinned.

"If only I could. But I don't think they'd let me go to school again. I'll be at the Burrow off and on, no real date. I'm sure I'll see you."

"You're not staying over?"

She shook her head.

"I've got a job, and my brother to take care of. Plus my moms been working four jobs, so I have to make sure she's actually eating and sleeping when I can. I'm a busy, busy girl! But again, I'll be popping in."

Simon got a look in his eyes, and without saying anything, ran off in his dog form.

Sighing, Remus followed after him, the useless lead dangling from his hand.

Staring after them, Harry helped Lydia to her feet.

"Was he -"

"A Shih Tzu? Yeah."

"Bloody brilliant."

They hugged, and then Lydia was on her way back to Florean Fortescue's, and Harry was off to wander the Alley for his guardians.

* * *

Lydia was having a sucky day, admittedly. Her grandfather's ill in bed, her mom is who fucking knows where, and Nicky had eaten sugar behind her back for breakfast. (By this she means he had legitimately taken a container full of sugar and dumped it into his oatmeal while she busied herself making toast. He's a terror.)

Her day has sucked monumentally, and so when there's a knock on the door of her flat, she answers it with Nicky clinging to the back of her leg like a leech and she points a particularly sharp knife at the person on the other side.

The person on the other side, as it turns out, is a blanching Simon Potter-Zimmer.

"Uh-"

"First thing I fed you?"

"What? That was years ago, I can't possibly remember-"

"Well you'd better, if you want to keep your fingers.”

She inched the knife forward and tapped his fingernail with it. He blurted, “Cheese and onion crisps!"

Smiling, she lowered the knife.

"I knew you could do it. What are you doing here, Si?"

He grinned at her. 

"Sure you want to know?"

Slowly, Lydia began to raise the knife again.

"I told Harry I wanted to help your mum out and he gave it to me."

"Mom never said she had met you."

"Oh, she hasn't. I'm actually here to talk with you. But if I told Harry that he'd pester me why. He thinks I'm just here to talk about parenting." Looking down the hall, he said, "Can I come in? Pretty sure your neighbor's spying on us."

There was a metal thud, and the sound of an old woman's voice shrieking.

Lydia sighed. 

"That would be Ms. Waters. She's this ANNOYING AND NOSY old lady down in number seventy-three. C'mon in."

When he'd gotten in, she closed the door firmly, locking it as if on instinct. The knife was set on the coffee table, and Lydia bent down to be at Nicky's level.

"Go play with your blocks, yeah? I'll bring you a brownie in a little bit. And make sure to be quiet for Grandfather."

He nodded and jumped up to kiss her cheek with a giggle.

When he was gone and they heard a door shut, Lydia turned to Simon.

"Coffee?"

"No, thank you. Do you have tea?"

"No." She walked a few steps to a leather sofa. Sitting on one end, she gestured to the other. "Sit."

Simon sits.

"So," He cleared his throat. The atmosphere was tense. "I thought about what you've told me of your family. The dad you've got in the States, well, he doesn't seem great. And from the sounds of it your mother's neglectful."

"Don't talk about my mom."

"Pardon?"

"You're right about my dad being a piece of shit. He is. But don't talk about my mom. She's not perfect, and she isn't around as much as I've needed, but she's nothing like my dad, so don't you dare lump them in the same category of shitty parents. My mom tries, and that's what matters."

He shifted.

"Right. Well, whatever you think about your mom, she's not present. And kids need that, they need a parent there to help them out. I think I've found a solution for you. You won't have to be around your dad, and if you don't want, your mom either. I can make everything easier for you."

She frowned. 

"Mhm. What's your solution, the power of love? Maybe that works for Dumbledore and his Order, but that's not how it works in my family."

"I was more thinking of adoption, actually. Though I guess you could consider it the power of love."

"Adoption?" She let out a laugh. "Why would you adopt me?"

"And Nicky!" He added, "I would adopt you because it's an out. You don't have to see your dad, you'll get the money you need... Anything you need, I have resources."

She sighed.

"What makes you think that's a great idea? Really, Simon. 'Cause on my end? I don't see it."

"You need money, and a home. You don't have that here-"

"Uh, no. Nope, don't continue. In case you haven't noticed, money doesn't equal a home. The Weasleys are about as poor as I am, and they're happy."

"Their parents are around. Their kids aren't forced out of the country on whims."

She scoffed.

"You know what, you've got a point about the forced thing. It fucking sucked. But you know what, I don't need both my parents. A traditional family isn't always good. I have a grandfather who raised me, and I've got a mom who works herself half dead to provide food and clothing. And yeah, maybe my childhood wasn't perfect. I was ferried across to countries every few months, often against my will, and I was hurt. A lot. But I don't think you realize my mom and grandfather weren't given a choice. When you involve yourself with the McBrien family, you either submit or you die. And we felt like living."

"Lydia, you know I wasn't saying your family was-"

"But I think you were. I appreciate it, really. Supporting Nicky won't be easy, and keeping away from my family is going to be like trying to drown hell. But I've never had help before, and I've managed fine."

"Just trust me! Let me help you!"

She sighed, and she looked suddenly weary.

"I can't. I can't trust you, and I can't let you help. My brother's life is the most important thing to me, I'm not trading and uprooting him like he's a goddamn plant. He's happy with me, he's safe with me."

"Why can't you trust me?"

She was silent for a long, uncomfortable moment. Then, "Because when I wrote you, and I wrote Remus, and I asked you to help me keep Hogwarts safe, you told me to keep my head down and not worry about. You know what that got me? A blood quill scar and the Cruciatus. I didn't trust anyone in that Order besides you before, what makes you think I will now? Now that you ignored our plea for help? We're kids, and we've been hurt. You don't get to tell us how to feel."

"Your plan was your own."

"Yes, but that plan was borne from desperation and fear. Children's lives were at stake."

"She wouldn't have killed anyone, Lydia."

"She would have! She was fine with holding down first years, she was fine with using Blood Quills on students, she was fine with torturing us! She passed a decree to allow kids to be chained by those ridiculous shackles Filch loves! She would have killed us had she been given the chance."

"If you had kept your head down-"

"Oh my god, you absolute git! Get out."

"Lydia-"

"Get out of my house! Don't come back."

Simon stood, holding his hands up.

He leaves, and Lydia doesn't miss him.

* * *

"Shift's over, Lydia!" Flor calls, locking the freezer just behind his office. "Little kid's asleep, need to borrow a buggy? My daughter's old one is around here somewhere..."

She poked her head into the office where he was and shook her head.

"No, that's alright. I'm stopping by that in progress shop down by _Marigold’s Magical Bouquets_ before I leave, I'll carry him."

Stashing her hat and apron in one of the office chairs, Lydia scooped Nicky i to her arms and settled him against her hip. His face naturally nestled against her neck, and he let out a sleepy sigh. 

Flor hugged her side. 

“Be safe, hear? No matter what the Minister says, there’s been something off recently. Too many shadows.”

She gave him a nod. 

“I will be. You too, alright? I’d hate to job search again.”

He laughed. 

“Take an extra two scoops, Lydia. Business was slow today.”

Grinning, she took the pint sized container of _Lemon Leopard_ and exited the shop. As the door closed, she said, “Thanks, Flor! See you tomorrow!”

The walk from Fortescue’s to Weasleys Wizard Wheezes was long and stifling in the summer heat. Rain began to pour rapdily, soaking her hair, and she hurried to cover Nicky’s face with her bag. It didn’t work well, but it would do.

She walked the cobblestone path with familiarity, feeling home in the Alley. She passed several shops and their patrons – Madam Malkin’s, Eyelops’, Ollivanders’, Whizz Hard Books, Twilfitt and Tattings, Gringotts, Quality Quidditch Supplies, Flourish and Blotts – before finally coming to stand in front of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. 

They wouldn’t be opening until near August’s end, so she wasn’t surprised to see the paint was only half finished and there were fumes coming from the open windows. There were boards and nails sitting out front, and the door was only half open.

She carefully nudged it open further with the toes of her foot.

“Hello, peabrains! Is anyone home?”

There was the sound of boxes thudding and Lee’s voice letting out a stream of swears.

Fred, George, Angelina, Alicia, Lee, and Katie came thundering down the spiral staircase in the middle of the shop, and stopped in front of her.

“Lydia!”

She grinned at George.

“Glad you recognize me after so long apart, dear Georgie! Come, I bring ice cream.”

Alicia hurried over and shifted a still sleepy Nicky into her arms, which is when he woke.

(Kids were inconvenient like that.)

“Lydi?”

“Right here, bubs,” Lydia whispered, wiping his soaked fringe off his face. “Work’s over, we’re with the twins now.”

He hummed and settled back into Alicia’s hold, falling asleep again.

Alicia made a silently crying face, hissing, “I feel so _blessed!_ ”

Snorting quietly, Lydia turned to her other friends.

Fred sighed when he saw the sopping mess her face and hair was. Her shirt was lightly soaked too.

Stripping his flannel, he wrapped it around her shoulders and buttoned the top few so it would stay on. 

“You’ve got to take better care of yourself, Princess. Walking in pouring rain, really?”

George snorted. 

“Yeah, what happened to that big brain?”

She shoved at him. 

“I couldn’t exactly apparate here with Nicky.”

“You’re not supposed to apparate at _all_ , Lydia!” Angelina told her, but she was grinning. “What would the Ministry say?”

“Meh, what they don’t know won’t kill them.”

Fred looked at her. 

“What are you doing here, anyway? You look tired.”

“Well, I just finished with my work shift and I thought I’d come say hi. Possibly help with whatever y’all haven’t finished with in here.”

George hummed. 

“Mostly we’ve just got to finish filling the flat upstairs. The main products are out here – tour later, by the way – and we’ve stocked the well, stock room.”

Fred looked at her again, closer. 

Withiut hesitation, he picked her up by the waist and set her on the cash register counter.

“Stay.”

He walked behind the counter and pulled out a box full of granola bars and bottles of water. “Eat.”

She simply blinked at him.

“What? Mate, I’ve been getting free ice cream all day.”

Lee rolled his eyes and hopped to sit beside her.

“Ice cream isn’t a balanced diet. You’d think with how ill you always are you’d have a healthier diet.”

She shrugged at him and hit into a granola bar. 

“Might as well have fun and eat what I want while I’m here, yeah? Now. What’s in tonight’s agenda?”

Katie frowned at her from where she had been cooing over Nicky.

“Don’t you need to get home to your mum and grandfather? They strike me as the strict curfew type. Paranoia and all.”

Lydia snorted. 

“They’re really not.”

As she finished up her handful of granola bars (and really, how did Fred expect her to eat a full box, thirty-two, of these things?) Lydia watched her friends continue to lug boxes up the stairs. Nicky was still being held by Angelina, but he was on her back now, held there by what looked like a very long scarf, or some kind of sling meant for older children rather than infants.

She hopped off the counter when she finished, and stashed the wrappers in the back pocket of her uniform trousers. Wandering up the stairs holding a pile of blankets, she looked for the twins.

"George," she said, gazing around the first room. It was open and empty, with a kitchen and sofa. "Pea brain, where should I put these blankets?"

George ducked his head out from under the kitchen table, and nodded his head toward where a painting was hung. It was of Ginny with her head half submerged in water, her hair vivid against the cool toned background. In the bottom corner, Luna's name was inked, with a small smiley face.

"When'd Lu paint that?"

"Ah, it was a house warming gift. She gave it to us early this month. Ginny'll blush brilliantly when she sees it."

She laughed, then headed into the room just right of the painting. Directly across from the door sat a bare bedframe. She stacked the blankets on top of it, then glanced to the wall to her left. In the middle of a deconstructed frame, sat Lee. He had several screws hanging out of his mouth, holding a hammer backwards as he tried to pound a screw into the frame.

"Um, do you need help?"

He sighed, the screws falling to the carpeted floor. Handing her the hammer, he hit his head to the wall.

"Lydia, this is _hard_."

Giggling to herself, she knelt beside him.

"First of all, you don't use a hammer for screws."

"Then what do you use?!"

Yelling towards the doorway, Lydia asked, "ANY OF Y'ALL HAVE A SCREWDRIVER?"

Fred clambered in, handing her one. It had paint of various colors coating every inch.

After she'd sat down again and got ready to screw the legs back together, she noticed he hadn't left.

"...Can I help you, Freddie?"

He nodded, and pulled her by the hand to stand up. Stepping back a bit, his eyes roved over her.

"You're being a pervert, mate," Lee called, head still thunking against the wall.

"Oi, piss off. Lydia, what the hell is with your shirt?"

She groaned.

"I knew this would happen eventually, I just wanted to ignore it." Looking down at her uniform tee, a white color with a printed ice cream cone on the back along with the shop name, she added, "It's my uniform. I have a uniform and hate too, but I always leave those at work."

Freddie grinned gleefully.

"I've got to plan a visit, haven't I?"

"Oh my god, don't, please-"

"Oh, now I definitely have to, Princess!"

"I've made a grave mistake."

"Yes," he whispered, patting her head, "you have."

"You know," George said as they all ate take-out from _Amano's Appetite_ , "You could always work here, Lydia. If you get tired of Fortescue's."

Nicky, now awake and munching happily on his miso shiru, shook his head.

"Why would she get tired of Mister Flor? He gives us free ice cream!"

Katie gave his head a pat and handed him a piece of her dango.

"Of course I'm not getting tired of Flor, Nicky," Lydia promised, then asked George, "Why would I work here? I'm not even finished with school."

Angelina rolled her eyes.

"Getting your NEWTs _is_ important, love, but you have your OWLs taken. Really, that's all you need. You wouldn't even need that to work here. Once you can use magic..."

She let that hang for a moment.

Lydia sighed.

"I promised my grandfather I wouldn't drop out. And I'm keeping that promise. if I can't even graduate, I doubt my dad will let me stay out of the States much longer. AT least with a degree in progress I have reason to stay that he'll accept."

Their faces all turned sour at the mention of her dad, so she changed the subject.

"So, you know how I've been seeing someone for what happened in June?"

Katie indulged her, the absolute angel.

"How's that going, love?"

"Amazing. She's been telling me a little bit about what Healing is like professionally, between the end of sessions and me leaving. it's been so cool! Plus, I can actually sleep now without thinking about - er - yeah. Point is, I'm having a great time doing it. Plus, Ted Tonks is always nice. He tells me what's on the Muggle news, since I rarely have the time to look myself."

Alicia hummed.

"That's lovely. I'm glad you're feeling better. Are you still taking the potions and checking in with your mam?"

"Yeah, of course. I've been able to just take the potions when needed, instead of constantly, now. It's nice. I can't wait 'til I can wean off completely."

"You've been eating?" Fred asked, spooning off some of his kinoko gohan onto her plate.

"Yeah, someone's gotta be a good example to Nicky, and since he's at an ice cream shop all day... Well, we've been eating a lot of greens to compensate."

They laughed, and Nicky stole some of the rice off her plate.

She hoped the school year went by fast, so she could spend her next summer like this: Surrounded by her ~~friends~~ family, eating food in this flat with a million dust bunnies and laughter echoing off the walls.

* * *

Like every other to-be sixth year, Lydia had been stressing about her OWLs results, and when they would come. 

The morning they came was a Saturday, and thus her morning was free from any responsibility. This was lucky, because she woke near lunch, and only because Nicky was shaking her and asking to be made eggs.

Rolling from her bed and putting her hair into its usually tied back style, she rubbed the sleep 'sand' from her eyes.

"C'mon, baby, let's get you eggs."

She went to the kitchen counter, while Nicky sat with her grandfather.

"Good morning, Granddaughter."

"Morning, Grandfather."

When she plated the eggs, he slid an envelope with the Hogwarts crest on it towards her plate.

"You have mail."

She suddenly felt very awake, and tore open the letter.

"holy..."

"What is it?"

She looked up at her grandfather.

"My OWLs! Oh my _god!_ I can't believe this."

Nicky frowned at her, fork halfway into his mouth.

"That's only _one_ owl, Lydi. Count better."

Grandfather snorted, and Lydia clarified, "No, the paper. It's my OWL results. They're a type of exam. If I don't do well on these, my career is over before it's even begun!"

Her mom walked in, nursing a coffee and wearing one of her work uniforms. Lydia's not sure which job it's for.

"Just open them, Lydia."

Because Lydia didn't look like she was capable of doing more than balking at the still unread letter results, her grandfather took it gently from her grasp and read it for her.

"You have what are called O's in Charms, Transfiguaration, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. In Ancient Runes, Astronomy, and Arithmancy you have E's, and in History of Magic you have an A."

Lydia was silent for a moment, silently calculating.

"I have five O's in the core subjects...That means..." She gave an excited laugh. "Yes! Healer I fucking come! Suck on that Umbridge!

"Lydia!"

"Grandfather, she thought I could sit still in a nine-to-five. _Me!_ Energy express zone!"

He gave a half laugh half sigh sort of noise.

"Would you like to visit the Burrow early to show off your scores?"

"Oh, _please_?"

He handed her the letter back.

"Very well. Get yourself and Nick ready, then you may." She began to get up, and he chided, " _After_ you eat! Goodness, child."

She ate faster than she thought was possible, hurrying away from the table to get dressed.

When she returned to the kitchen area, dressed in worn out jeans and one of her favorite loose shirts. Nicky was sitting at the table in his pyjamas. She threw his own set of clothes at him.

"Get dressed, bubs!"  
  


They were in the Burrow's kitchen fifteen minutes later, tumbling out of the Floo. Lydia brushes the ask from Nicky's hair, bending down to fish the small stuffed bear he likes so much from her bag.

"Here, I brought this."

He hugged it to his chest, and walked over to Mr. Weasley's seat, who settled the boy on his lap, as Lydia walked to where Hermione and Ginny were sitting. She slammed her scores down between the two.

"Look!"

Hermione helped her own, and they began comparing.

Suddenly, two twins popped up behind her

"Come on, Princess, you can't even spare the time for your favorite Weasley?"

"You're not the favorite, I am."

"No, I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YE-"

Lydia rested her hands over each of their mouths.

"Ginny's my favorite."

The licked her hands in sync, and she shrieked in outrage.

Ginny was grinning up at them impishly.

Finally, after wiping the saliva on her jeans, Lydia looked at the twins with a grin.

"Guess who got the OWLs needed for being a Healer! Well, technically they're just for the NEWT classes and then I have to do more classes to be accessible for an intern-"

Fred and George cut her off by lifting her onto their shoulders and began marching her around the kitchen, cheering. They left out through the screen door that led to the apple orchard.

When the screen door slammed shut, the rest of the family shrugged ta each other.

Then, they followed. Ron grabbed a plate of sausage links on his way out.

(Nicky has a mouthful of eggs and he wonders if he should apologize to the chickens for stealing them.)

* * *

"Lydia, dear, why don't you stay? it's safer to be n the same place, you know. And with that empty flat of yours..."

Lydia sighed into her dinner.

"Mrs. Weasley, I have work in the morning, I'm not sure-"

"Well you can just head out in the morning after breakfast! I'm sure Fred and George would even give you a ride. How have you been getting to Diagon Alley, anyway? Have you been using the Floo?"

"Er, the Floo, yes. But what about Nicky? He can't sleep without his stuffed-"

"It's right here, Lydi!" Nicky grinned, showing her his stuffed bear. "Silly, Lydi, you brought it with!"

Lydia smiled at him, internally swearing.

"Right, yeah. But my uniform-"

Fred nudged her shoulder.

"We'll bring it by tomorrow morning when we pick you up, Princess."

"Oh, you're not staying?" Mrs. Weasley asked, a pout on her lips. "It really would be better if everyone were together."

An argument developed after that, and Lydia was left to silently lament that the choice was made for her.

It's not as if she didn't like staying at the Burrow, or anything. She still loved the Burrow just as much as she always has, if not more now that she's spent so much of her time with the Weasleys.

It's just. She has nightmares, worse ones, now. And they can get pretty violent sometimes. So violent, in fact, that she sometimes sleep son the recliner in her living room rather than in her bed with Nicky. 

_"But...Oh yes, it's necessary."_

_"You understand, don't you dear."_

_"This is necessary."_

_A meaty hand clasping a wand. It points at its target. She is its target._

_She grasps for her own wand, but her arm is just a red mess of blood and nerve endings._

_Her arm - her entire body - is on fire. Everything hurts. It's silent._

_All she hears is her own screams._

_She coughs, and coughs, and-_

Lydia sits up, hand around her own throat. She's still coughing.

She slips out of the sheets piled on her and Nicky, tucks him back in once her bare feet touch the carpeted floor. Sneaking through the hall to the bathroom, across from Percy's old room, she stares at herself in the mirror. She leaves the light off, because despite she and Ginny being the only ones occupying the floor tonight, she doesn't want to attract attention.

In the mirror, she looks...normal.

Yes, her hair is messy, frizz around her face. And her skin is soaked with sweat, both from the hot July night and her fear. There are creases in her skin, little crescent cuts on her cheeks from her uncut nails. Her pyjamas are rumpled and her body aches. But her throat is empty of blood, and her necklace is clean, and her feet are firmly planted against the tile floor. Her ribs only ache a little, and that's more from leaning against the sink cabinet for too long than it is from Umbridge's damage.

She heaves a sigh, splashes some cold water on a towel, and drags it along her neck, face, and arms.

She leaves it in the dirty laundry basket, and exits through the bathroom door with just a creak of the door. Taking the familiar turn left, and sneaking in through the door of Fred and George's room, she lets out a quiet sigh of relief. The room smells that same comforting scent of ash and broom polish, and she collapses onto the bed with a blue quilt: George's. Their room is fairly empty, now that they've moved out, but it has enough to comfort her to sleep.

The days continue like this, until Harry arrives. She keeps having these nightmares, and in an attempt to not wake Ginny, she continues sneaking into Fred and George's room.

It's the fifth night Harry is rooming in their room that he's already awake when she sneaks in.

"I thought you'd been sneaking in. Just had to stay up late enough to catch you."

She heaves a quiet sigh and sits on George's bed. Harry has Fred's.

"Please, don't tell anyone. I'm pretty sure Gin knows, but don't tell anyone else."

He smiles at her a little sadly.

"I won't. Nightmares?"

She nods.

"I had them too, after the Tournament. Granted mine revolved around Cedric." He cleared his throat, then gave his bed a pat. "C'mere."

She did so, with a little hesitancy.

"You're not annoyed I've been sneaking in?"

"Nah. But I think Fred and George would be pissed i I didn't at least hold you for them, so cuddle up."

She gave a snort, then did what he asked.

It was always hard to fall asleep again after her nightmares. She always went to the mirror first, checking that the dream hadn't been real, but it didn't settle her enough to fall back asleep immediately.

So she often looked around the room, took in the things that were missing/ his proved to her that she wasn't still under the curse, that things had moved on since then.

She's been doing this for the past three weeks, and yet, every single night she found something new that was missing.

"What's missing tonight?"

Harry whispered.

"Um, their Zonko's cut outs. Every time they saw an advertisement, or a coupon they'd cut it out and tape it to the wall over there. They never used the coupons though, because they thought Zonko deserved every bit of gold they could give."

Harry hummed, and very gently lowered them so their were laying flat against the pillows of Fred's bed. They weren't actually his pillows, he had taken those with when he moved into the shop. They were likely spares from the cupboard with linens.

"Sleep, Lydia," Harry whispered, gently running his fingers over the long plait keeping her hair out of the way.

She did.

But, before she drifted off, Lydia couldn't help but think despite the nightmares, her life felt wonderful. It was as if she was always walking on air. 

But things don't stay so wonderful, they never do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! this was a looooong one! i hope you liked it :) so lydia's job is just very cute to me, and Florean definitely adores her. too bad he doesn't stay around for long (hint hint). give me comments, what you loved, favorite lines, etc. love you <3333
> 
> word count: 9004 (holy shit. the goal was only 5k)  
> Next Week: If you couldn't tell by those last few lines, shit goes DOWN.


	2. gas station pizza is the pizza for you & me

"Alright, we got the Butterscotch Pecan for..?"

"Over here!"

"Ah, Butterscotch Pecan for you! So that means this Triple Chocolate Truffle is for the princess of the hour! Here you go, Sweetpea."

The little girl she was serving, no more than four grinned at her.

"How'd you know I was a princess?"

Lydia winked at her.

"Who else would order our Royalty Special, hm? And do you know what comes with this cone?"

The little girl leaned closer, the top scoop dangerously close to slipping off her cone. The dad carefully tipped it upright again. 

"What comes with it?!"

Lydia brought the arm with her wand concealed in it behind her back, reaching out with a tiara in her hand. It was shiny, and the fake gems matched the girl's blue eyes.

"It comes with a special tiara, just for princesses."

The girl beamed, and her father helped situate it on her head.

"Thank you, Miss."

"Don't thank me, it's Princess Policy, my good sir." Bowing, Lydia winked at the girl, who was getting chocolate all over her face. "Have a good day, your Majesty."

As she turned to serve the next customers, she heard Flor's voice ring out from near a window.

"Lydia! Get the children to safety!"

"What, Flor-"

The window directly in front of Florean was smashed and the girl's father she had just been serving was hit in the chest with a red spell.

The girl began to cry, and when Lydia looked back to where Florean had been moments ago, he was gone.

Grabbing the now crying girl, Lydia hefted her onto her own back.

"Princess, come with me."

"Daddy!"

"Come on, Princess, Daddy's okay, we have to get to the uh, protective area, for royalty."

She began to sob, and Lydia quickly raised her voice above the sudden shouting.

"HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS FREE ICE CREAM? FREE SWEETS TO WHOEVER FOLLOWS ME TO SAFETY!"

Attention now on her, Lydia spoke in a more normal tone of voice.

"There's a cellar downstairs with protection from whatever's going on outside, if you have children or need protection follow me. I'm assuming there's Anti-Apparition spells in place. Now come on."

Making her way past the office Nicky was in and opening a hatch in the floor, Lydia let the customers pass her.

"Don't close this, I've gotta get a kid from the office," She told the last customer to squeeze in, then ran back tot eh office.

Nicky was dozing, so she picked him up and ran back tot eh cellar opening.

"Careful, don't drop him," she told the woman who looked to be panicking. "Stay here until it's over, okay?"

Just as Lydia went to close the hatch, the mother grabbed onto her wrist.

"Wait! You're not coming in?"

"No, Ma'am, I've got a job to do."

"Who are you selling ice cream to? We're all in here!"

Lydia gave her a half smile.

"Ice cream's just part time. Stay here, I'll be back."

"You're just a child! What could your job be?!"

Lydia closed the hatch, locking it, and called into the now empty parlor, "My job is keeping the good people safe."

Diagon Alley was on fire. 

The parlor was always cold, and late July weather was always hot, so stepping out into the suddenly parched air was no different than usual. But this...it was nothing compared to summer heat. Stores were on fire, the books and quills in one of the stores only fueling the flames. There were already unconscious ~~possibly dead~~ bodies slumped on the pavement, and screaming pierced the air.

Wiping sweat off her face, Lydia immediately found herself engaged into the fighting.

It's tedious, with the first one she fights. They're no match for her in the heat, which their heavy robes and Death Eater mask only exacerbates. They're down with only three spells on her end: Tarantallegra, Expelliarmus, and Diminuendo.

Grinning a little as her target was shrunk tot he size of a worm and their wand was left sitting on the pavement, she stomped on the wand, rendering it useless.

She went through individuals in a sort of clouded mind. It was almost like she didn't feel herself doing it, merely going through the motions; She understand what she was doing, felt herself doing so, but there was a sort of routine to it. It didn't feel real, although it very much was. She knew this was real, she was walking over unconscious bodies, hearing the screams, feeling hits being taken she hadn't blocked.

It was horrifying.

She was feeling weakened by the time she noticed a group of three children being targeted. A woman, around Lydia's mom's age, was lying in front of them as a sort of barricade. She was bleeding from her mouth and stomach.

The three Death Eaters, masks firmly in place and laughing, turned their wands onto the children.

Oh poor _babies_!" One gasped mockingly, "Don't worry, you'll be with Mummy soon."

"No, they won't," Lydia told them, stepping in front of the woman's body. "But you will."

She was completely bluffing. Lydia's ankle was broken, she was sure of it, and she wouldn't be able to defeat three adults with it like that. She would just be preventing the inevitable, and giving them an extra body.

She'd try, anyway.

"Oh, _really?_ We won't?" One of them mocked, tilting their head. "And where is that?"

Lydia didn't reply, sending a quick Expelliarmus off in their direction. Following it, " _Incendio!_ "

One of their robes caught on fire, and another was distracted trying to put it out. Lydia hit them with an Expelliarmus.

The third focused entirely on her.

"Oh we have a talented one, do we? Such a shame, the Dark Lord could use you."

"No thanks, I prefer leaders with brains."

That angered the Death Eater, and while the other two were screaming about fire, they hit Lydia with, " _Expulso! Expulso! Expulso!_ "

Lydia felt wind against her face, and then her head snapped back against a shop window, breaking glass. Some of fell into her face, and when she blinked her eyes, someone was in front of her.

She struggled to her feet, trying to ignore the wetness on her face and the aching of her head.

Pointing at the ground, she muttered, " _Deprimo!_ " A deep hole dug its way into the chipped pavement just a few paces away from where the duo in front of her were fighting. Now pointing at the only target left, the one who had blasted her into the wall, she cried, " _Descendo!_ "

Only after the Death Eater was sunk into the ground did she let herself collapse onto her hands and knees.

After a moment, strong arms lifted her torso up.

"Come on, arm around my shoulder. Come on, Lydia."

She managed to lift her neck up enough to see the man's face.

"Kingsley?"

"That's right. Tell me the date."

"Um, it's...it's the 29th of July."

"Year?"

"1996."

He sighed, maneuvering them around a stack of bodies.

"Good."

"Kingsley, thank you. You saved my life."

He smiled at her, shifting so she was more secure in his hold.

"You're a hell of a fighter, Lydia. Just be careful."

"Why?"

"Well, I've known you're a brilliant fighter. But now...they know it too."

They were silent for a few moments then, both too focused on getting Lydia to walk to devote brain power to speech.

It was only when she realized where he was directing her that she spoke again.

"Wait, why are we going to WWW? There's still-"

"The other Order members an Aurors will take care of the injured. Who, might I add, you are part of. We're getting you somewhere safe to be healed. The twins' shop counts as such."

"But Nicky is still in the ice cream shop! I have to go back and-"

"He's okay, Lydia, I'll fetch him once you're safe."

"And there's other kids, in the cellar."

"Okay. It's alright, you did good."

They managed to get up to the joke shop's doors, and immediately it was opened by Fred.

Ducking under her arm not supported by Kingsley, they both got her onto a mostly empty sofa.

Kingsley peered down at her foot, and the area around it. Her trousers had ripped in the crossfire.

"Fred, George, have any Healers stopped by to offer assistance? She'll need one. And her head, check that over."

Lydia groaned as George pressed his fingers lightly against her skull.

"No Healers, 'cept Mam. My ankle's broken, a simple Episkey should fix it. I think I have a concussion, too. My face is cut up, some glass inside."

The twins didn't bother fighting her on it, and Fred told Kingsley, "Soon as you can, call Madam Pomfrey. Lydia'll refuse to see anyone else."

Kingsley sighed, and stepped out.

With him gone, Fred kneeled on the sofa next to her.

"How'd you get glass in your face? Something stupidly brave, I hope."

She grinned lazily at him, wincing when he began to pick the glass shards out with tweezers.

"Got slammed into a shop window after telling a Death Eater I prefer leaders with brains over Voldecunt."

George snorted from near her feet, where he was ripping up a flannel and tying it around her ankle as a makeshift splint.

"Stupidly brave, then."

She fell asleep at some point, she realizes when she blinks her eyes open and is now horizontal on the sofa, and the windows are dark.

Lydia isn't sure what wakes her at first, but quickly realizes when Bill Weasley walks through the shop doors with Nicky clinging to his waist. The man doesn't seem to mind, though.

"Lydia!" Nicky cries, attempting to escape from Bill's arms and only succeeding in falling face first on the ground.

She does the same, lurching forward off the sofa and landing on her knees as the broken ankle collapses beneath her weight.

"Oh, Nicky," She gasps out, both from the pain and relief at seeing him. "C'mere, baby."

He ran right into her arms, clutching at her neck and sobbing like a six year old child with separation anxiety does.

Fred attempts to pull her up by her arms, scolding, "How about we _don't_ jump off a sofa with a broken ankle, hm?"

She simply laughs with relief.

Pushing Nicky's face out of her chest, she wiped at the tears.

"Hey, hey, I'm here, baby, I'm right here."

"You were gone s-so long!"

"I know, bubs, I know. I had to fight the bad guys. Did Kingsley find you?"

He gave her a miserable nod.

"Missed you. Kings said you had an owie."

'Yeah, I do," She admitted, "But it'll be all better once Madam Pomfrey looks at it. Remember her?"

"Miss Pommy."

"Yeah, her.

* * *

Two days later, with Lydia's head and ankle healed, she sits in the Burrow's kitchen surrounded by her friends.

Harry's birthday cake is lit with seventeen candles, all lopsided and imperfect. He loves it.

He's barely blown out the candles when discussion of current events begins, and Lydia can't bring herself to tune it out, as much as she's trying to pay attention to Nicky's ramblings about caterpillars.

"-hear about Florean Fortescue, Remus?" Bill is asking, absentmindedly taking the glass of wine Fleur had poured for him. He looked tipsy already, and Lydia had to wonder if French wine really had more alcohol in it than English. "He ran the -"

"He ran the ice cream shop I work at," Lydia interjected breathlessly. "Is he okay?"

Nicky looked like he might cry.

"What happened to Mister Flor?"

Ginny, the blessing she is, clasps hands over her ears, knowing this conversation won't be censored.

"...We're not sure," Remus admitted, a sympathetic look on his face, "No one's seen him."

Harry tilted his head, his face looking worried.

"He used to give me free ice creams. What do you think's happened to him?"

"Dragged out, by the looks of it," Bill told them, looking at Lydia with a frown. "You worked with him? Did you see-"

Mrs. Weasley let out a huff.

"Do not interrogate the girl! She is not the enemy, she's-"

"I did see something," Lydia admitted, "When I was fighting, I saw him being dragged by some Death Eaters, I think. They had the same masks as the others."

Mrs. Weasley turned her frustration at the depressing conversation towards Lydia, then.

"You should _not_ have seen anything, and you shouldn't have been fighting! Why couldn't you have stayed inn the cellar with those customers?"

"I have a weapon and the skills to use it, why would I have ignored the need to protect those people in the cellar? They trusted me with their lives, I wasn't going to let that trust be misguided."

"You are a child."

"The last time an attempt was made on my life I had no weapon. This time I did, and I was going to use it."

Bill asked her another question, though this time his voice was softer, less demanding, "You say that as though there's been many attempts on your life." He's grinning a little, as if he thinks she's joking.

She isn't.

"When I was four, my grandmother tried shaking me until I passed out. She was disappointed when I woke up. When I was six, my uncle held my held beneath the bath water for nearly a minute, when I woke up I was in a hospital, and he was disappointed about the bill. And, of course, the time I was stabbed and left on the floor to bleed out. When I woke up in the hospital, the only one there was my grandfather and I had a new scar. So yeah, there's been a couple."

They were all quiet for a long moment, both looking like they wanted to say something and yet didn't know what.

Ron asked in the silence, "Why him? He's just an ice cream seller."

Mrs. Weasley glared at Bill pointedly as he answered, "Who knows for sure? He must've upset them somehow. Good man, Florean was."

Her throat seemed to be parched suddenly. She downed her glass of water.

"Yeah, he was."

There's another uncomfortable silence, only broken by the scraping of silverware on plates.

"Lydia," Mr. Weasley spoke near the end, when Mrs. Weasley had left to start on the washing up, "The Ministry is going to overlook your use of magic outside of school. They've ruled it as self defense."

"Oh good," Lydia smiled sarcastically, "Wouldn't want them to think I was anything but respectful of authority figures. I sure do love the government."

Ginny finally unblocks Nicky's ears from the conversation, and nudges Lydia.

"Yeah, never broken a rule in your life."

"Oh, _never_ ," Lydia grinned, before telling Mr. Weasley sincerely, "Thank you, really. I appreciate you letting me know."

They were all sent to get some sleep soon after, and as Lydia's head hit the pillow in Ginny's room, she hoped the fight wouldn't bring her a new batch of nightmares.

Hope was always a bitch.

* * *

_There was a spell coming at her but her arm was hurting and she couldn't get her wand up fast enough for a shield oh no-_

_CRASH-!_

_The noise should have been that of shattering glass, of screams, of something. Instead, there was nothing. No sound could reach her, it was like sticking your ear into a shell from the beach and noises being both amplified and indiscernible._

_She can feel her jaw moving, and there's something wet and sticky coming from both the back of her head and several areas across her face, but she can't focus on the little pinpricks of pain because her arm's being grabbed and she's being hauled to her feet._

_But she's falling back down, and when she looks up to who's trying to drag her up again, they're wearing a mask with what looks like a skeleton painted on the front. She's never been scared of skeletons before, but this isn't her fourth grade science class, and the skeleton is touching her and -_

_"Let go of her! No!"_

_Lydia's head turns every way it can, made difficult with the searing pain, but there's no one but her and the skeleton. Still, she hears someone crying._

_"Ple-Please! Don't take her! Help! Someone -"_

_Lydia jerks her arm from the skeleton, and swivels around on her feet. Who is that? they sound so familiar._

_"Ced-Cedric! Mum! Dad! Please! Don't take her too!"_

Lydia sits up suddenly in Fred's bed. She can't breathe right, and she should do those exercises Mam told her to, but Harry's thrashing in George's bed and she can't.

Scrambling out of her own bed and kneeling next to his on the bed, she recognizes what he's saying.

"N-not her, please! D-Dad, help her!"

"Harry," she whispers, not sure what to do. He's always been awake when she has nightmares, and she realizes this is probably why. "Hey there, Lightning, wake up now."

"P-Please," he sobs in his sleep, turning suddenly towards her.

"Hey, it's Lydia, wake up. You're dreaming, baby."

His eyes blink open when she utters her name, and then he's frowning at her.

"Lydia?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Lightning. Sit up and budge over."

He's silent for a moment too long before doing as she's said.

"Who were you trying to help?"

"Wh-what?"

"In your dream, you asked your mum and dad to help you save some girl. Someone was trying to take her, I think. Who was it? A girl you fancy?"

"Ew, no. I don't like her like that."

"Then how do you like her? You sounded...passionate."

He linked their pinkies together.

"You. Voldemort wanted to take you from me, and I didn't want you to go."

She squeezed his pinky in hers, and hummed.

"I was back in Diagon Alley, and I couldn't get up when I crashed into the storefront. A skeleton was making me leave, but I don't know where they were taking me."

He squeezed her pinky.

"How do you feel about a little rebellion to make us forget our fears?" She asked, turning to grin at him sleepily.

"Haven't we had enough rebellion?"

She giggled.

"Not illegal rebellion, silly. Tame rebellion. I've got just the thing."

He didn't bother trying to stop her as she pulled him to his feet and slipped her shoes on her feet.

"Come on, get a shirt on," she whispered, pulling a light jumper over her sleep shirt. "And don't forget your glasses."

She slipped past Ginny's room, where the girl was snoring loudly, and down the stairs with Harry quietly. On their way through the kitchen, Lydia slipped her own charmed necklace off and set it on the table.

"Find me a pen or something, will you?"

"Why?" He asked, doing it anyway.

She rolled her eyes.

"Remember what happened last time someone snuck out of this house without leaving a note?"

Predictably, he cringed at the memory of Mrs. Weasley when the twins and Ron had returned with Harry and Mr. Weasley's stolen car.

She scrawled a quick note letting her know they were very sorry for sneaking off but they needed some fresh air and had taken several of Lydia's knives and their wands for protection.

Lydia led him through the village and into the next, a larger one with a petrol station.

"What are we doing here?" Harry asked, lowering his voice as she guided him inside the lit up building. "We don't have a vehicle."

"No, but we're in great need for some S&S. Slushies and Snickers. Maybe some pizza, too. Yeah, definitely pizza."

Harry seemed drawn to the area where the greasy pizzas were kept, the heating lights blinking ominously.

"I've never actually had pizza," he admitted, "I tried the pepperoni off one, once. It was good."

Frowning at that tidbit, Lydia grabbed two slices off the table. Go on, get the Snickers bars. I'll grab the slushies.

By the time Harry returned from the chocolate aisle, his mouth near watering, Lydia was waiting for him at the till.

"C'mon Harry, the pizza'll get cold, and the slushies'll get warm!"

He hurried over, and watched as Lydia paid.

"Have a nice night," Lydia called tot he grumpy shopkeep, who simply turned back to their cig. She lowered her voice to ask, "Are they allowed to smoke in there?"

"NO," HE answered, pointing to the no smoking sign. "Where are we eating this?"

She pulled him by the hand to just inside Ottery St. Catchpole. Pointing to a closed crate nearly half their height, she set the food on the ground.

"Give me a boost," She told him, gripping the top of the container and wincing at the dirt. "Come on."

He held his hands out, and when she put one foot in his palms, he did his best to throw her.

She clambered up onto the crate, scraping her chin in the dirt.

She scowled at him.

"This is disgusting, hand me the food and then it's your turn."

Grinning at her mood, he slid the small pizza box and Snickers bars over to her. Then, he handed her the rapidly melting slushies. They were neon in color and looked toxic. Yay.

"alright, your turn, Lightning. Grab my forearms."

She hooked the top of her foot in one of the crate's slats, and when he grabbed onto her, dragged herself backwards with it.

Both of them cringed at the noise of the wood creaking.

Silently, they listened, waiting for it to break.

When it didn't, they grinned at each other.

"Pizza?"

"Pizza."

Pizza was quite good, Harry found out. The slushies _did_ taste slightly toxic, but they were also very good, despite the headache he got from the coolness of drinking it so quickly.

After eating their chocolate, they decided they needed to head back.

When they'd decided that, Lydia promptly flung herself off of the crate. It shook, and Harry held on for dear life.

"Bloody - don't _do_ that, Lydia!"

She beamed at him like the brat she was.

"Come on, I wanna get back and shred that note to see if we've really gotten away with this. If we did, I'm rubbing it in Fred and George's faces!"

He rolled his eyes and followed her.

They _did_ get away with it, which seemed like a miracle.

Harry's pretty sure they were dosed with a luck potion, because between the creaky crate and not getting caught...well something divine had to be at play to have blocked his bad Potter Luck.

* * *

With her job at Florean Fortescue's nonexistent (thanks, Death Eaters) Lydia had taken up the register at WWW. Verity, a young witch with short blonde hair and streaks of neon dye through out it, was very glad for the extra help. According to her, running a till was very difficult work, especially when the shop was so loud and distracting.

"Hey, Verity," Lydia called one day in August, ringing up a pair of girls, "Go tell the twins their family is here, yeah?"

"Sure thing, Miss Mack!"

"No it's McBri - ah, whatever."

Ginny spots her, and waves excitedly, nearly hitting a disgruntled father. He looks like a lawyer type.

"Gin, over here!"

Ginny weaves her way through the crowd to Lydia, dragging Harry and her brother. Mister Weasley follows, looking enthralled by everything.

"Hey, Fred and George should be coming down soon. I sent Verity - she's another employee - to let them know y'all are here."

Ginny's eyes were drawn to the bright and glowing pink display of love potions.

Her hand reached for them, and Lydia let out a clicking noise with her tongue that she knew was annoying.

"Don't use those, Gin. Remember our motto?"

"Fuck their grannies!" She cheered, and from behind her Mrs. Weasley sucked in an offended breath.

Lydia chose then to ask a customer if they needed her help, and was gladly whisked away from the ensuing argument between the two Weasley women about what was appropriate to say and what was not.

"Hey, Princess!" Fred called a few hours later, when the store was closing. 

"yeah, Freddie?"

Lydia was helping Lee restock the bought up products, perched on his shoulders to reach the higher shelves.

"Spend the night? The whole family's staying!"

Lee helped her back tot he ground, holding her arm while she regained her footing.

"Yeah, sure. Nicky's still up there, right? He was sleeping when I checked last."

"Mhm, Angie's been with him."

Lydia grinned at him and pulled the bright orange and purple striped shirt she'd been given to wear during her shifts off. As...fashionable as it was, it was thick and hot in the August weather and stuffy shop. Underneath, she was wearing a tank and she tossed the shirt at Fred's face.

"Alright, real funny, Princess. C'mon, Mum's making bolognese."

There was something so soothing about spending time around the Weasley family just existing. They all worked almost in sync, while doing entirely different things. It's especially jarring for Lydia, who came from a family that worked well in a machine fashion, but definitely didn't get along. Yes, Lydia could work with her family in a fighting sense, they didn't flit around each other casually making dinner. They didn't joke around and wrestles like the Weasley siblings, and her parents certainly didn't kiss each other absentmindedly when certain songs played as if it were second nature.

As Mister Weasley picked up a groggy Nicky from the sofa and laid him out on the man's own lap, soothing him back to sleep, Lydia can only think one thought. It's not even a particularly profound thought, though it's just as startling: Mr. Weasley is holding Nicky as though he is his father.

Perhaps that should bother Lydia. Mister Weasley isn't her father, he isn't Nicky's. And yet, she can't help but see him as such. He's always been willing to protect her and Nicky as a father would, has fed and even occasionally clothed them. She remembers Mrs. Weasley taking her to buy her first bra, her first formal dress, Mister Weasley teaching her mechanics, giving her a camera. They always listen to her, always love her.

They love her. And isn't that astonishing? 

"Mister Weasley," She whispers sitting next to him and handing over a glass of water. "Hi."

"Hello, Lydia, are you alright? You look rather pale."

She can't help but smile at him.

"Yeah, I am, actually. I realized something."

"And what's that?"

Lydia can't help but hesitating. What she's about to do, it might take this love she's only just realized exists away. And yet...

"one moment, I want to tell you and Mrs. Weasley something." She waves for the woman's attention. "Mrs. Weasley, could we talk for a moment?"

The woman passes the sauce she's mixing to Katie, who looks at it in confusion and slight horror. Alicia laughs and takes it from her.

"Yes, of course dear," Mrs. Weasley says, sitting on the other side of Lydia and grabbing her hands to hold. "What is it? Are you alright?"

"You two...love me."

"Of course we do, Lydia, you're one of ours," Mister Weasley promises, his voice so soft. It breaks her a little.

"He's right, dear, we love you and Nicky very much."

Lydia nods.

"Yeah, and I - It's ridiculous that I only just realized it, because you have for - for a while, I think. But I only realized it fully a moment ago and... Nicky and I don't get a lot of that, love. Back in America, we don't hear it, or feel it, or even get treated like it. So when we come here, it's overwhelming sometimes. And I want tot hank you for it, I need to."

"Honey, you don't have to thank someone for loving you. You deserve it," Mister Weasley tells her, his hand leaving Nicky's back just long enough to pat her own hands, still enclosed in Mrs. Weasley's.

"But, I do. And I have to thank you now, because after I say this next thing, you might not love me anymore. And it's-it's okay. But just, please don't stop loving Nicky, because he needs love still."

"You need it to, Lydia," Mrs. Weasley tells her, then adds, "And we won't stop loving you no matter what you say. We love all our children, no matter how far they go or what they do."

Lydia doesn't reply to that, because what can she say? Instead, she whispers, "I'm half-gay. Bisexual, is the term."

"What does that mean?" Mrs. Weasley asks, her voice not sharp and judgmental, just curious.

"It-it means that I like girls and boys, not just one."

Mister Weasley simply nods and smiles, which she would be more surprised about if Ginny hadn't screamed at dinner just a few days ago that she was a flaming homosexual.

"Thank you for telling us, Lydia. Is that what you were so worried about?"

Lydia nods, still not letting go of her breath.

There has to be _something_. The other shoe will drop.

Mrs. Weasley takes Lydia into her arms, and she can't hold her breath anymore.

It comes out shakily, and Mrs. Weasley just tucks her further into her arms.

Lydia sighs.

"I'm okay?"

"Oh, honey, you are more than okay. You are _perfect._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves. uh, i kind of went MIA, i'm sorry!! i was depressed asdfghjkl. but anyway, here's the chapter, enjoy, idk how often i'll update, because i'm trying to get my life together but yeah. love y'all!!

**Author's Note:**

> installment six, loves!!! okay, 'm really excited and i hope y'all are too! lots of pain and happiness to come!!
> 
> tumblr dedicated to this fic: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/wizardrywilting
> 
> i love your comments so please leave them!!
> 
> <333


End file.
